For years I have sought to be a faithful servant of God and the Church; it has been rewarding and has given my life purpose. But, of late, as I have sought to bring greater clarity to my life; who I am and how do I want to live out the remaining days of my life, I am finding the answer to the longings of my heart is rooted in my understanding of the God I worship and serve.
These days I find myself reconnecting to the God who delights in me, regardless my "performance'' -- how well or how poorly I have served Him what I have done or not done. My effectiveness / accomplishements or lack thereof do not determine God's response to me.
The Bible says: This is love, not that we loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. (1 John 4:10)
God's love for me does not in anyway depend on me; on my performance or even the love I return to Him. God will never stop loving me! What God wants from me is to know Him and love Him beause He first loved me. That He would send His Son as my substitute, paying the price for my sin, so that I might be reconciled to Him is proof of His great love. As long as the cross stands in human history, I can never say I am not loved by God!
Julian of Norwich once wrote: The greatest honor we can give God is to live gladly because of the knowledge of his love. What honors God is not my serivce for Him / His church; it's not how well I perform for Him. According to Julian, what God most wants is to see you smile because you know how much God loves you.
The Westminister Catechsim (1648) begins with a question: What is the chieft end of man?
The answer: to glorify God, and to enjoy Him forever.
What would it be like to fully enjoy God and to abide in the One who delights in me?
I can't answer that fully right now, but I'm enjoying the journey toward that answer!