As I have had opportunity to reflect on my own journey; call it ‘mid-life crisis’ if you want; or maybe it has something to with where we are as a family—moving into the empty-nest stage; or maybe it has something to do with coming to the end of my 7th year of ministry at Valley—desiring to be faithful to the call of our Lord to walk together with the people of Valley for this season, but wondering where the journey is going to take us, to take me. Whatever it is, there is within my heart an emptiness; ‘something is missing’. I have a nagging sense there more to which I am to lay hold of; something, perhaps just beyond my grasp but there to be taken.
Ben Curtis and John Eldredge in their book The Sacred Romance, write about this. Some years into our spiritual journey, after the waves of anticipation that mark the beginning of any pilgrimage have begun to ebb into life’s middle years of service and busyness, a voice speaks to us in the midst of all we are doing. There is something missing in all of this, it suggests. There is something more.
I have always sought to honor Christ by serving Him; by serving His people, His church and there have been times along the journey when I felt so alive I would describe my life as being on a divine adventure. But, as Eldredge observes: For many of us, the waves of first love ebbed away in the whirlwind of Christian service and activity, and we began to lose heart. Our faith began to feel more like a series of problems to be solved or principles that had to be mastered before we could finally enter into the abundant life promised us by Christ.
I began to feel more like a hired hand than a beloved child; burying myself in ministry activity without ever ask, where is all this taking me? Somewhere along the journey, I feel as if I lost my identity. As I entered into the CREST experience, I found myself asking, what do you do with that voice that cries from within, ‘there is something missing; there is something more’?
This is the journey I have been on; wanting to honour the covenant relationship I have with God and wanting to be faithful to call of God in my life; looking for a lost identity and for clarity as I seek to discover what it is God has for me in the remaining days of my life; and desperately wanting to experience the fullness of life Christ offers.
Jesus said…The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. (John 10:10) Most often when I hear teaching on this verse the focus is on the back end of the this text, but I’ve come to realize Jesus puts both statements together for a reason.
God's offer is life in all its fullness but right now that life is opposed; there is an enemy with a different agenda; one who wants to steal away the fullness of life Christ promised; one who assaults the very heart of those who follow Christ; who knows what my life could be and trembles. So I must stay on the journey; on the path God has laid out for me and along the way I must guard my heart for it is the well spring of life. (Proverbs 4:23)